January: Freewriting

freewrite

Today’s activity is a free-write, which I chose to do this morning with a set time of 10 minutes. For more details on this exercise go to: http://writingandhealing.org/2006/08/16/writing_and_hea_1-11

Setting aside time to free-write feels daunting even though there is a sense of liberation in it. What do I write about? Where will my stream of consciousness lead me? Maybe that is the bigger fear. Anyhow here it is and I am doing just that. Letting what ever wants to be said and written just be. As a child I wrote to the limited capacity that I could. I liked to make books based on storied read in class, or make books on things I liked, But it wasn’t until later, my pre-teen and teen years where the writing took more space. I think it’s common for adolescents to find comfort in writing because it is a vehicle for voice, something that teens have so fiercely and yet adults in their lives try to extinguish or tame. So writing allows for the intense creativity and voice to be present. There is something about those years where child-like creativity and fantasy meets energy and manifestation. What powerful years. What powerful energy. There is a naive bravery about adolescents that I wish I still had. Years have done it’s work on me. I’m so much more cautious than before. So much more doubtful. I wonder what the middle ground is? Because in youth there is a powerful energy that will not be containing It runs into the street and jumps off bridges, and exists in action. People would consider that manic to be so bold. Why does that scare people? So this writing journey is a way for me to not lose touch with that safe and liberating space of voice and creativity. Because being an adult is so full of responsibility, which I welcome even though I complain about it. By nature I am driven, but too much of that burn me out and creativity allows for that respite and replenishing. What can I do to keep moving through creativity  so that I don’t burn out? Writing can also provide insight and space to release those things in me that I hold back. I notice I d that a lot. Which is strange because I’ve been doing it for so long, I only just now realized how much I keep locked inside me. I live in my head and I like it there. It’s enticing and hard to let go of. The outside world feels flat and boring and lackluster compared to the world in my mind. If I do it enough, and am not careful, I assume others are on board with my agenda. It’s like I forget to include others into my internal conversations, plans, and such. It feels so loud in here and hard to express sometimes. Most times. So getting all this out of me on paper or with voice, is a part of my own healing. That and insight.